On my Mother...Growing up I realized I am a tough lot. I am very competitive and driven. Very strong mind. Even at home with the family I am kind of assertive. There are a lot of issues that I have covered to understand myself. With my mom, 1001 issues. Our family was struck with a misfortune when our own rosy fortune was nipped in the bud when my dad was paralyzed. I was six. My parents w...ere at their prime but was tasked for more struggles and mores struggles. The stress level was so high that eventually my mom and me has grudging differences and resentments. I resented her weaknesses that I thought my own fortune was nipped in the bud when she "blackmailed" me to forego a very good job after graduation from a very big company that had me soaring to high heavens after being taken in among the thousands of applicants of the batch 81. So I thought.
And I spent the next 15 years in my sleepy hometown. I took the journey with all it's struggles and bitter downfalls and really they were extremes. Yet at the end of my rope it was my mom whom I called for help and she did. Yet my grudges with her was not over until I moved again in LA and started my own life and for 14 years of distance, I thought I was finally on my own. Four years ago she joined me at 74, she was almost a stranger to me and the first year was struggle. But I can not deny the love of a mother flowing from her for it is so sincere. Slowly I realized that I have to loosen up and let go of my stored contemptuous emotions and grudges towards her for these felt so limiting. For the first time, I laid down my guard, my biases and personal opinions and look at her heart, where she is coming from emotionally and from physically did she come from. I saw the love of a mother, the incredible gentleness that is inside it and her effort to let it loose on me to make me feel her warmth amidst her own limitations. Slowly my eyes were opened up how great is her will to dodge the odds and give us her greatest even until now. My heart melted at the small things she does to bridge our gaps. Small things yet her humility is reckoning. She is no longer strong and steel willed. Yet I would love to see her be her own but she'd rather let go and let God. End of whatever struggle. I have forgiven our past and so to myself that I am at bliss enjoying the incredible love of a mother. This is if we only allow and let it flow and generously it will nurture us back. Thank you God for mothers. Happy MOTHERS' Day to all moms and most especially my mom Julie!!!
And I spent the next 15 years in my sleepy hometown. I took the journey with all it's struggles and bitter downfalls and really they were extremes. Yet at the end of my rope it was my mom whom I called for help and she did. Yet my grudges with her was not over until I moved again in LA and started my own life and for 14 years of distance, I thought I was finally on my own. Four years ago she joined me at 74, she was almost a stranger to me and the first year was struggle. But I can not deny the love of a mother flowing from her for it is so sincere. Slowly I realized that I have to loosen up and let go of my stored contemptuous emotions and grudges towards her for these felt so limiting. For the first time, I laid down my guard, my biases and personal opinions and look at her heart, where she is coming from emotionally and from physically did she come from. I saw the love of a mother, the incredible gentleness that is inside it and her effort to let it loose on me to make me feel her warmth amidst her own limitations. Slowly my eyes were opened up how great is her will to dodge the odds and give us her greatest even until now. My heart melted at the small things she does to bridge our gaps. Small things yet her humility is reckoning. She is no longer strong and steel willed. Yet I would love to see her be her own but she'd rather let go and let God. End of whatever struggle. I have forgiven our past and so to myself that I am at bliss enjoying the incredible love of a mother. This is if we only allow and let it flow and generously it will nurture us back. Thank you God for mothers. Happy MOTHERS' Day to all moms and most especially my mom Julie!!!
